Sunday, December 8, 2013

Taking for granted

A recent encounter with the forces gravity has given me a new appreciation for some simple pleasures. One of them is the pleasure of thinking. The ability to see or sense things and make connections with other things, places, people, ideas, etc. We do it everyday, like breathing, and rarely think about how it happens or reflect on what it would be like without it.

Having fallen and hitting my head a couple weeks ago, that ability to connect or even hold a thought has largely evaporated. Medical advice for concussions like this is 'brain rest'. And that includes no reading, computer, or television and light physical activity. That leaves time for sleeping or at least closing one's eyes and letting the mind do whatever it feels like doing and observing the quickly vanishing thoughts traipse through consciousness, heaven can only imagine what's going on in the subconscious.

Usually, the medical profession suggests one's faculties return after a week or two or a month. But what if they don't? Watching a movie or playing a simple game of euchre is incredibly taxing and fatiguing. Even a group conversation that lasts for more than a few minutes is difficult to follow. I find myself getting lost in it. And in the end, my attention spent, I can crash for hours.

Behind the fog and fragmented thoughts thoughts I still am able to make out some wholeness. A set of ideas that gel, fit, or dance together. I sense it, but cannot articulate any part of what I sense. But it is out of my reach, to the point I question if it really exists, or if my current mental state manufactures the distant wholeness.. How am I sensing this wholeness beyond my grasp. Where does this come from?

I hope to be able to return to combing through ideas and possibilities and making connections for consideration in the future, but it just ain't possible at the moment. Meanwhile, I'm becoming more grateful for the limited mental faculties  I do enjoy. Hopefully, when the synapses are firing like they should again, I'll retain that appreciation for the ability to think for oneself.

and thank god for spell checkers or you wouldn't make a lot of sense of this...

Can't wait to read a book again...